The Terrorists Have Won

Special Correspondent Luke Scott checks in with a startling turn of events.

That's a line that people often say after something trivial to try and sound funny. Not here. Not today. Today, we're effed in the a.

Superman—Super-man—has renounced his United States citizenship. "Truth, Justice and the....Global Way?" Seriously, guys: This is a problem. It's bad enough we are shipping all our jobs internationally, now our superheros, too?

I blame Obama. Since day one, day one, he's been trying to form an international government. Which makes sense—the guy's not even born here. What better way to legitimize your illegal power than by making it irrelevant? Seriously. we've got guys here standing up and saying they stand for the American Dream, or the American People AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN FROM AMERICA! Hell, this guys not even from the hemisphere, he might as well be from Mars!

So, to keep his power, Obama's been trying to dissolve the United States of America and create the International Nations of the Universe or something. Well, congrats, buddy! You're killing America and Superman is just the beginning.

Actually, you know what? I bet you it's a conspiracy. I bet you that snake got some dirt on Supe and made him do it. Can't imagine what, though. Guy's an institution.  Whatever it is,  with Superman out of the way, he can now move forward with his plan to completely destroy the United States and all it stands for. And besides, does it really surprise you that a guy like Obama would blackmail Superman? Of course not. How do you think he got where he is?

First its the United States. Then it's the States themselves. Then we'll have a government with a bunch of Frenchies telling us where to buy our sodas.

The terrorists have won and they've been inside the house the whole movie!

...Thanks, Luke.