Emmitt Smith is a disaster.

There, I said it.


If you don't believe me, go to Youtube and type : Emmitt Smith. Just watch, like, 2 of the related videos. I know this isn't earth shattering news, but he is really-close-to-me-feeling-sorry-for-making-fun-of-retards- retarded.


I started this post, like, 90 minutes earlier than it was posted.

I have been bitten by one severely venomous snake.

Film Room

Well, we are back in action after a little week long hiatus for no reason in particular. Well one reason I guess: I am lazy. Cripplingly lazy.

While away, I took the time to watch some movies. One such movie was Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. I mean, I've seen this film countless times, it's not like I just saw it for the first time this weekend. I just happened to notice something this time. It's nothing earth shattering, but it really hit me when I was watching it:

Luke's Uncle, Owen, is a certified asshole. Like, straight up, one of the biggest dickheads this side of the Galaxy.

You know the scene. Uncle Owen just bought C-3P0 and R2-D2 and Luke was just getting them all settled. Luke, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru (not going to check the spelling on her name, that's what it sounds like) are now sitting down to a nice meal of liquefied vegetables or some other weird space food.

Luke mentions how he thinks the droids might be stolen because one of them mentioned "Obi Wan Kenobi." He then wonders aloud if he his related to "ol Ben Kenobi." (Kenobi:Tatoine::Smith:Earth apparently.)

This is when Uncle Owen unleashes his inner asshole. It is subtle though, he is not a blustering, hand gesturing asshole. No, he just methodically assaults Luke's emotional state.

First, he makes Luke feel like an idiot for even suggesting that Obi Wan Kenobi could be related to Ol Ben, dismissing the notion altogether. After Luke persists, Uncle Owen tells him that he died around the same time as his dad. And here is where Uncle Owen puts it into hyperdrive: He refuses to answer any of Luke's questions regarding his father other than telling him that his father is dead.

After his Uncle essentially spits in his face, Luke changes the subject. Luke has ben stewing on this two sunned planet for years while his friends get to go off and fly X-wings and do other crazy shit. Luke wants to get up there and casually mentions, since you know, you've got these new droids, maybe he'd apply to the academy. Uncle Owen is real straight with letting Luke go. Sorry pal, I know it's your life and your future and destiny and all, but have you seen what help is going for these days? No can do.

This guy, not even a blood relative, has been selling Luke a bill of goods for years for his own profit. Luke not only has no idea that his father is still alive wrecking havoc on the galaxy, suffocating dudes just by thinking it, but he is basically being forced to live in some shit hole so his Uncle doesn't have to pay for hired help. Then, he acts like he is doing Luke some kind of favor when he says he can apply for the academy next year.

So you know what happens to jerks who lie, steal and cheat protagonists of happiness?


They get fucking torched.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk!!

It's a special kind of heartbreak when you can see it coming a mile away but convince yourself otherwise.

Swing Votes

As everyone who knows anything about politics knows, it all comes down to swing votes. In the most recent election, Ohio was the swing state. Whoever won Ohio, was going to win the presidency. Nice work Ohio.

Anyway, this year, the election is not going to come down to one state. The McCain campaign has deftly identified this years swing vote: The Joes.

The two most important Joe's appear to be Sixpack and Plumber. The Joe's are extremely important and are feeling the economic crunch the most. Accordingly, the McCain campaign has put them front and center in this election.


Obama, not to be outdone, is also courting the Joes. His Muslim background however, has led to some interesting campaign art. His most recent offering appears to be an attempt to draw attention to his strengths while simultaneously courting the Joe vote. It remains to be seen how the American public will react to such a cocky figure. (...)

My friends, what are you waiting for? Try my product.

Is it just me, or does the Republican Presidential candidate look and sound much more like the kind of guy who would sell a CD that purports to teach geriatrics how to navigate the crazy world of ebay than the kind of guy who will safely navigate the country through an impending crisis of geriatric overpopulation.

Spiderman: The Musical!

Your friendly neighborhood Bono, along with faithful sidekick "The Edge", will be writing a musical based on the life and times of the crime fighting arachnid . Completely true. Some Australian website is reporting it...so, its legit.

Anyway, the article has got some great quotes. The Blue Ribbon quote? I'm glad you asked:

[director Julie Taymor] doesn't care what it costs. Does not care at all. Her attitude is, it's for the art, and you don't question artists. Sources say the budget may have to drop to $35 million, but the show would still have to run successfully for 8000 years to break even.

I believe I am on roughly the same payment plan for my student loans. Unfortunately, that has nothing to do with "art" so, predictably, I am being peppered with questions. Some include:

"What the fuck were you thinking?"
"Where's your fancy diploma, now?"
" Lemme aks ya this, lemme aks you this: can you kick my ass?"

So to recap: Bono is terrible. That director woman is terribler. I am terriblest.

♫ Spiderman, Spiderman...♫

If there is someone you would rather punch in the face, then you are Kevin Youkilis.

Seriously, look at yourself.

One Door Closes...

Another opens. Maybe. I don't know.

I lost my job. Not as a result of any wrongdoing/incompetence on my part, but it is lost all the same. My firm folded. In retrospect, I should have been more active in looking elsewhere but, shit happens. Anyway, I have significant free time on my hands these days so I figured this is as good a way as any to kill time.

First order of business: I need to find new music. It is impossible to be less bored with my library than I am right now. This happens from time to time and sometimes I find something new and exciting and other times I rediscover something I hadn't listened to in years. Both scenarios are fun, but the new music is more rewarding. To that end, I am going to give these guys a try. They seem like a bunch of fucking weirdos.